I am really happy. Really really really happy. Even when I am stressed out or being bugged by something I am happy. I think that I’ve really found someone pretty damn perfect. And I am really really really happy. It is just working out so well … It’s so easy, and good, and fun. Johnna is happy. So fucking happy.
Sometimes I just want to slam people’s faces into curbs with great force. Unfortunately, I would get in trouble for that act. *le sigh*
I remember in elementary school, a girl was chewing on the end of her pen when it broke open and ink flowed all into her mouth. It was disgusting. And hilarious.
There are only a few things that I really want, really consistently
One, to act. Even before I started, I fancied the idea of acting, then I did it, now I won’t stop. It makes me happy. Its the only thing I’ve ever had real ambition for.
Two, to travel. For as long as I’ve remembered I have wanted to travel. Anywhere, everywhere. I want to meet people from all the places I go, and I want to hear their stories. I’ve always had this picture of staying at little inns all around Europe and sitting in a common area speaking with the other people there, drinking coffee or beer.
Three, a home. A cozy one, with nature all around it, in a cozy neighborhood. The burrow-esk, but a little more normal.
Four, a family. Like any girl, or at least most, I want to fall in love. In a good relationship that makes me happy, helps me grow, and become the person I’d like to be. I want to have a family with this person. One or two kids, but at the very least one. I’m really excited to be a mom one day. Settling down with a family until my kids are grown is the only thing I can see myself doing that I would happily leave acting for.
Guys …
I think I’m starting to really, legitimately move on now.
*cue song about freedom and shit*
I feel better this morning. Last night was awful, I felt like I was losing my mind. Everyone said the first 24 hours is the worst, and they were right. Well, it was more like the first 30 hours but hey, who is counting? Today my family is humoring me and we are having Chinese food for Easter dinner, which is pretty awesome if you ask me, and I’m uploading a shitton of new music and listening to good new music is very therapeutic. I think I’ll work out, or at least go for a walk. I more or less got my favorite weather today. A little overcast and not freezing.
And god, I can’t wait until To Kill A Mockingbird is over so I can get my tattoo. Although, as I actually start to memorize all of the lines I’m getting a lot more into it and actually enjoying it. Performing just feels really good when your getting into it and I’m starting to feel that with TKAM. So that’s good …
This week has hurt like hell, and although I’m feeling pretty OK right now, I’m sure everything will keep hurting for a while. Which is okay. I think there would probably be something horribly wrong if I was already over it. I think I need to focus on myself and my life. Focus on relationships with friends and family that I’ve put aside. Do things that I want to do. Have fun.
I am going to be OK.
