Breakups make me really sad. Not just my own. I just think about the feelings they are feeling and how much it hurts. Even if you’re not right for each other, or were miserable in the relationship. There is still no easy mode.
Ahh I want to throw up and I want to sleep and I need to get off book and I need to sleep and I want to play on the Internet
One year ago right now Kane and I were at the Best Western Windsor in Ashland. We snuck out after Dizzle did room checks and stayed in the hotel halls talking until the morning. I’ve never talked to someone as long as that before.
I just want to go into a BFA program not deal with all this bullshit but that requires money and moving so I can’t so I just have to stay here doing shit I don’t want to be doing.
Here is the scenario …
It is fall-y, and I have a huge, beautiful, cozy cabin in some woods in the hills/mountains. In this cabin there are as many rooms as needed, a hot tub, maybe heated pool, a stocked kitchen, the comfiest beds in the world, and a couch that is really a bed with a back to it. The living room has an awesome tv and all my favorite movies and TV shows readily available. There would be awesome group dinners, movies, and activity nights and everyone I loved would get along and enjoy each others company. Everyone would be able to hang out when I could and wanted to, but I’d also get to have the alone and calm time I needed. Bread wouldn’t make you fat. Calories wouldn’t matter. There would be a theatre next door. No one would get mad at me. I would be a better person. I would have energy. Never ending coffee that didn’t make you sick. Pizza. Crab. Sushi. Sleep. Jammie’s. Activities. Life would be glorious.
Do you ever look at the people around you, and see everything they do, and just wonder how they have any energy left?
Prom dress shopping is pretty much one of my least favorite things in the world.
But I am finally done. Forever.
I need to sleep for like 20 years now.
I haven’t worked since Sunday and my feet are still sore and hella red.